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Can I Really Forgive?
 By Dr. Dave Seaford Perhaps as much as any sermon series I have ever preached, this
subject of Forgiveness has generated questions. The title of this article is the question that seems
to be hiding beneath most of the others. The question is actually a good one. We have been conditioned
to believe that forgiving and forgetting go hand-in-hand and if we continue to remember anything concerning
the offense we have somehow failed at the attempt to forgive. Here, in a nutshell, is the key for us
to think about: it is not that we won’t remember; it is rather that we won’t remember it againstthem.
Of course you will remember the event. God does not forget our sins in that sense either. He simply does
not remember them against us. These kinds of basic misunderstandings concerning
biblical forgiveness reinforce the reality that we have a ton of work to do just to get to a place we
are ready (emotionally, mentally, spiritually and psychologically) to begin the process of forgiveness
with any real anticipation of living in a forgiving spirit. This will not be a short or painless journey,
should you choose to take the challenge. You will note that forgiveness was just referred
to as a “process.” For the most part, the people I have spoken with about this subject over the
years have viewed forgiveness as an event in time… something we do and then move on. They see it as
a time when they said to someone (or thought to themselves): “I forgive you.” The first question
to address here should be; is this confession (speaking good words) sufficient to getting the job done?
And how do I know when the job is really accomplished? Some have suggested by their questions
recently, that in positing this “first question,” I have actually gotten ahead of myself. They ask
questions like: “Is it not true that only God can forgive sins?” and “What about the imprecatory
Psalms (those Psalms where King David and others are praying for the destruction of their enemies)…
is this type of prayer no longer appropriate on this side of the cross?” Or “Can I pleasestill
pray these kinds of prayers without guilt?” What about correcting (or even punishing) our children,
if we forgive them, does this not presume they will avoid punishment? So, perhaps as we lay the foundations
for this study we will attack these kinds of subjects earlier than I had planned. We won’t get to all
the answers in this article as space will not allow for even all the questions heard so far, but we will
attempt to plant a few of the seeds of answers in the rich soil of the scriptures. As we attempt to surround
these difficult issues with practical suggestions (if not exacting answers), it is my prayer that you
will have the courage to make this personal. Not just personal as you ruminate on all those that have
offended or sinned against you, but even more personal than that. So personal that you determine to both
seek forgiveness and seek in your heart and mind to forgive others their most egregious sins against
you. Be reminded that there are only two places to live in this journey, they are: bitternessor
forgiveness. One of the most profound realities I have faced on this journey is how trivial
some of the offenses are that have resulted in the most exaggerated forms of bitterness. But whether
these offenses are trivial in my eyes or not is irrelevant. The nature of unforgiveness and the bitterness
(dirt) required to grow unforgiveness is the first reality that must be faced in the process itself.
To partially answer one of the questions above: God commands us to forgive and we cannot do this living
in bitterness. Some people think they can compartmentalize their bitterness and only experience it when
they choose to think about a particular person or event; and all the rest of the time live in peace and
joy with God and their fellow man. God’s word seems to strongly indicate that this deception only keeps
us burdened, blind & emboldened in our bitterness. Some of us have even come to think of that bitterness
as a “Right” to be clung to. These poor souls actually enjoy the process of belittling, berating,
and brutalizing the offender (in their minds and hearts, if not by their words and deeds). One of the
questions asked recently was: “If it is not right to be bitter, why do I find it so therapeutic?”
Isn’t this the way of the world and the way the enemy works? More often than not the excuse that it
feels good only leads to more abusive thoughts and actions. To rewrite a popular song from the past,
we often get to the place practically (if not theologically) that reasons: “If destroying you is wrong,
I don’t want to be right.” When we arrive at this demonic “X” on this worldly treasure map, we
love using anything (in or out of context) that justifies our actions and if we cannot find those, it
really does not matter. Our justification then becomes; “but what they did is just not right” or
“it is not fair.” From there it is only a short trip to pronouncing judgment based on nothing more
than opinions or a twisted interpretation of words or events. Some have even come to see this particularly
heinous form of bitterness as their “ministry.” When bitterness has grown to this point it, is easy
for the offended to judge, by presumption, the motives of the offender. After all, if we can just judge
the motive of the offender evil enough, nothing we can do to them seems too
bad. It should be pointed out that this journey into bitterness is easy. It is all downhill. It is also
interesting that bitterness creates quite an adrenaline rush, endorphins are set off and in a very physical
way a chemical high is created that most of us can easily come to embrace and enjoy. Some sociological
professionals recently have even suggested that it is addictive to both individuals and cultural environments.
Thus, it can be rightly said that bitterness within the framework of fallenness is not only addictive,
but also contagious. It needs to be stated here that psychologically, biblically and scientifically,
it has been determined that bitterness is notcaused by the offense or the offender.
Before you go any further in this article please read that very bold statement again. It is a shocking,
and, for some, a disturbing truth. So, if neither the offender nor the offense causes bitterness, what
does? Gary DeLashmutt says that bitterness is “prolonged retributive anger toward another person because
of an offense committed.” While that seems to contradict what was just stated consider this truth:
There is only one part of any relationship that you currently have that you can control. Guess what part
that is. Of course it is your actions or (in this case) your reactions. It is not the offense or the
offender that has “caused” your bitterness; it is your reaction to the offense or offender.
“But I just can’t help it, that guy just ticks me off.” Well if that is the case we, as Christians,
serve a disturbingly abusive God, because He commandsthat we forgive exactly
that person. Sometimes it is precisely God’s commands that are set-aside in His Name, in order to more
comfortably do Hisministry. Setting this command aside is destructive to His
work: so forgiveness becomes the precursor to any genuine work that is His. We should
set high standards in dealing with God or talking about God or doing ministry, but our personal lofty
and admirable objectives, imposed on others, can result in us living as angry participants in never ending
religious wars that bring no glory to God. The destructive nature of these major wars hosted on the battlefields
of minor issues, kills more than it ever heals. When will we heed the call of Augustine? “In the essentials,
unity; in the non-essentials, liberty; and in all things, love.” Recently it was my
privilege to be one of the 150 or so original signers of the Manhattan Declaration. Most would be shocked
at the amount of email I received from around the world from “Christians” calling me a heretic, or
worse! While some of those emails were civil and reasoned, a healthy number were breathing strong hints
of retaliation. I will not repeat some of the language used in that correspondence but suffice it to
say that it would not take anyone who was reading them long to understand the unquestionable bitterness
that was being manifested simply because Roman Catholics and Evangelicals came together around common
causes. These people have made their anger at the Roman Church not only an “essential” but thepredominate
focus of their work. Some bitterness, like that just described, is easy to see. Some,
however (probably the most dangerous kind), are those bitters steeped in the cup of “what just seems
right,”or that are hidden behind holy causes, or are bred in the high standards of
men for excellent purposes. How do we recognize this kind in others and ourselves and what do we do about
it if we begin to glimpse it? Here are a few symptoms of bitterness. Remember as you
look at this relatively short list, that all of us are susceptible to bitterness and that bitterness
is a clear indicator of unforgiveness. Symptoms seem to fall into two basic categories: .Justifying
your retributive anger: Ruminating and/or exaggerating the offense; thinking about the negative
effects of the offense; finding others to join you in what has been made a sport. .Expressing
retributive anger: Finding pleasure in any misfortune of the offenders (most particularly, any
misfortune to which the embittered one has contributed). This pleasure is only slightly behind that of
withdrawing from any relationships with the offender while helpingothers to
do the same. Rehearsing to one’s self what it would be like to say or do this or that to the offender.
The person rooted in bitterness additionally finds themselves in disproportionate anger over unrelated
issues: plotting and/or even taking revenge (either overtly or covertly), gossiping and/or slandering
the offender. Angerand Bitternessare empowering
emotions. They feel good short-term, can become self-perpetuating, but don’t ware well
long term. They will exact their revenge on the one that embraces them and in the end become inevitably
draining to one’s emotional reserves, thus setting up an emotional free fall. The adrenaline and endorphins
do their job in the chosen hatred of the moment, but like alcohol or drug addiction there is a very dark
reality on the other side of the high. Somehow after a time, a bitterness fix is needed just to feel
the day is normal. Long-term bitterness poisons one’s personality with negativity (self-pity; cynicism;
tone of voice; facial expressions) that has the effect of repulsing people – which of course gives
the embittered person that many more people to be bitter toward. Psychologists now tell us that often
the end resultof a prolonged spiral downward, deeper and deeper into this kind of bitter
state is either: a particular type of psychosis or paranoia. Spiritually,
the consequences are most devastating. Practicing this kind of disobedience moves us away from any healthy
relationship with God. While it is true that nothing (including bitterness) can take the Christian out
of God’s ultimate care. Eph 4:30 warns us to “. . . grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye
are sealed unto the day of redemption.” Here are the instructions to avoid this divisive nature becoming
part of yours: v. 31 & 32 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking,
be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” In the
months ahead, in the series on Forgiveness, we will answer many of the questions posed at the first of
this article. Some of us will choose to do the right and the difficult thing rather than the humanly
natural thing. Consequently, the road will be a bit more difficult as we learn to respond in the nature
and by the grace of our heavenly Father. I pray you will join me in the journey.
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"Yes, Lord, But . . . "
By Christina Woodside, Women's Ministry Coordinator During a recent devotional time,
a footnote on Acts 23:3 caught my eye. It says that Ananias was God’s ordained officer and was to be
granted the respect that position (High Priest) demanded. From a worldly point of view, Paul did not
need to show that violent man respect, but he does. Today respect for authority takes second place to
our feelings or the majority’s opinion. Having authority is a pretty good idea when we are the ones
in authority. As parents, we have authority to discipline our children; we demand respect, and rightfully
so. Using God given authority is a far cry different from administering discipline by spanking a child
out of fleshly anger. What does all this have to do with Women’s Ministry? First,
if we believe in a Sovereign, Wise God, we know that our being born a woman was not a fluke of nature.
All that God does is for a purpose. He is a God of order, not chaos, and He has a purpose for His established
order. There is order in the Godhead, a chain of command. Jesus submitted Himself to the Father. Perhaps
because of our personalities and the culture in which we live, an American woman finds it difficult to
sort out what society “allows,” what our emotions demand, and what God tells us. We know we have
gifts, strong desires, and personal goals. The challenge is reconciling these with our role and responsibilities
as Christians. Beneath this question of authority is the question “who is in charge?” Am I and
who I decide I’ll “let” be in charge, or is it God? Be honest. We either believe or do not believe
that God’s Word is truth and is intended for both our good and His glory. There is no middle choice.
God’s Word and God’s character are inextricably bound together. So if we truly desire to live
according to God’s Word and to please Him, we need to accept and to stop struggling against what He
says our role is as women. Beneath this struggle is a very human, carnal desire to feel important. An
honest analysis of this attitude reveals a self-protecting, selfish desire to be more important, and
it shows how we have either forgotten or not accepted the basic truth of our relationship with Christ.
We are important to Him because He created us and redeemed us. There is nothing we have done or could
do to be more important. What should our response be to Him? –gratitude and submission to His will
as He reveals in His Word. Cooperative submission leads to truly harmonious results. If
you have ever played in an orchestra, you know how disastrous and annoying it is for the drummers to
bang away, doing their own thing or having the trumpets blasting forth, tooting their own horns, ignoring
the conductor. In contrast, have you ever heard a mass choir singing in such perfect harmony that it
sounds like one voice? The unity elicits praise to our God, the author of beauty and harmony.
I have yet to figure out why I continue to struggle against God’s harmonious order. Why do I insist
on doing it, as Frank Sinatra sang, “My Way.” Truthfully, does that phrase sound like a two year
old? Would any sane person insist that the two year old knows more than his mother? Does the ten year-old
know more than his father? Does the thirty year-old know more than her heavenly Father? Does the forty
year old trust her loving Father? I believe that trusting God and commitment to Him are
the primary issues that must be resolved. The second issue is our role as women in the Kingdom of God.
We need to honestly examine our actions and attitudes and see how they match up to what God requires
of us. We can only learn what God tells us through diligent study of His Word and commitment to putting
it into practice consistently—in what we do, think, and say. Are we better than Jesus who submitted
to the Father? Will we continue to function on the fleshly level? Trust me; I know. I confess that my
flesh raises a very ugly head and fights against the Spirit in this area of chain of authority. I’m
working first on the will and asking the Spirit to take control over the flesh, to enable me to assume
my role in God’s kingdom, and to help me live with an eternal perspective. Let me
give an example of how God worked all things together for good, according to His purposes, in spite of
my fleshly attitude. It is not an example of my outwardly rebelling against the authority under which
I had placed myself, but it does show that God’s ways and His thoughts are far above ours. Initially
I thought I was denied the right to exercise the gifts God has given me. I submitted, but with a prideful
attitude. Thirty years ago I was asked to serve with a group of people who were on a team to plan a Christian
retreat. The purpose of these retreats is to draw people to a saving relationship with the Lord and to
draw those who were already saved into a closer, daily, obedient walk with the Lord. I had it in my head
that I wanted to be one of the presenters of the talks. Instead, I was assigned to the kitchen staff.
For three different years, three different teams, I was assigned to the kitchen. Don’t you know God
was working on my pride! I thought I knew where I could best serve. Always full of grace and wisdom,
our Lord was working on my pride, the needs of the attendees, the balance of gifts among the team members,
and—oh yes—on a personal family issue that I never dreamed I would have to deal with that very weekend
the retreat was scheduled two months in the future. Why do I say all this? I should have thoroughly learned
years ago that God’s ways are best. My role in the kitchen ended up exactly where I needed to be to
fulfill my responsibilities to the attendees, to do my share of work on the team, and to have more freedom
than a presenter would have had that weekend to talk with wiser, more mature Christians about my family
situation. God is so good, and His ways are perfect. My challenge to you in 2010 is to
look at your attitude toward God’s Word as it relates to all areas of life and to drop the “yes,
but . . .” response to God’s Word. We want the harmony in our families and in our church to ring
out this New Year as a proclamation of God’s glory and His magnificent creation—and that includes
you! Here at CFC, we are beginning a series during the Education Hour on biblical manhood
and biblical womanhood. As part of the Women’s Ministry, we will meet each month to have more in depth
discussion on what is presented on Sunday mornings—wrestle with concepts, ask questions, and pray—join
together to cooperatively solidify our commitment to being godly women according to God’s Word, working
out His purposes in our families, our church, and our community. I hope you will join us in this adventure,
to have a deeper walk with Christ. Come to learn and grow, but also to get to know and love the other
women in our church. God bless you with an exciting walk with Him in 2010!
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Men's Ministry 2010
By Dr. David Seaford This year we are privileged to have Don Woodside and David
Vanderlip head up our Men’s Ministry. They will coordinate the Men’s breakfast, the discussion leaders,
and any special projects we may want to undertake. The first breakfast will be Sat Feb.
6th (please note we have changed this from the 13th in order to accommodate the
Youth event on that Sat.). As with all the Men’s Ministry events, the objectives are fellowship, preparing
to be better husbands and fathers, and doing service projects that will enhance our church facility as
well as add to the other ministry work to our community. The year of 2010 we will be going
through Piper and Grudem’s “Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.” The teaching session for each month
will be done in the Education Hour on the fourth Sunday of each month. Please make a special effort
to attend that session each month. We will then meet (normally) on the first Saturday after the first
Sunday of each month for breakfast to discuss the previous Sunday’s particular teaching. The smaller
version of the book is available in the Welcome Center and is suggested as a prompter and prep for the
discussion time. Of course, if you want to get the larger version, it is available online through all
the normal book outlets. We will try to have several links from the church website soon to make those
easy for you to find and purchase at your convenience. This study is important and will
enhance our knowledge as well as give all of us better tools to apply in our daily lives. Over the years,
we have found that the majority of problems in marriages, church relationships, and extended family relationships
are due to one of two things: 1. Lack of these Biblical principles or 2. The lack of the application
of these God-given lessons in living. During 2010 we will both talk about the principles and seek the
desireand how to,in order to bring application in each of our lives. If you are serious
about living out Biblical manhood, and dedicate yourselves to this most crucial calling, this will be
a great year in your life. Each of us has something to contribute to these discussion groups and it is
my hope that every man will take part and bring along un-churched friends. It should be a great ride!
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A Word From the Deacons
The Deacons are tasked with assisting Pastor Dave and the Elders in carrying out the business
operations of CFC. Our monthly meetings typically consist of reviewing church financials, drafting
operational documents, discussing ways to improve church processes and identifying areas of the church
or staff in need of support. We also pray for various church ministries and members of the church.
Simon, Joe, and Steven have been a blessing to work with, and their faithfulness to our LORD is so very
evident in their servant hearts. Recent documents that the deacons have completed or reviewed
have included the CFC constitution, bylaws, education policy, and the church voting process. In these
upcoming months, we are hoping to fashion additional documents including the church’s Policy & Procedures
handbook and Missions policy. In 2010, we are hoping to expand our services to include
visitation of the sick and those who have not regularly attended church. Collectively, we also plan
to be an integral part of the men’s ministry at CFC and individually, to be very active in various
other ministries of the church (worship, A/V, adult education, missions, etc.) We would
greatly appreciate your prayers for us and our families. As each of us is the parent of at least
one young child (with more on the way!), we often find it a struggle to balance the demands of work,
school and/or ministry while also attempting to be a supportive husband and role model father to our
children. May the Lord grant us wisdom and strength to be effective in all we do. And may our needs
be met as we serve Him and His kingdom. Thank you for allowing us the privilege to serve
as your deacons at CFC. Your feedback and suggestions are always welcomed! In His glory, Douglas,
Joe, Steven & Simon
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The Safest Place On Earth: Honest Body Life
By David Sorrell February marks the beginning of a new series at CFC about building
real spiritual community. The book The Safest Place on Earthby Larry Crabb, will be the subject
of a small group study, the Education Hour, and a sermon series designed to help members of the Body
of Christ more effectively relate and minister to one another while avoiding the pitfalls of relationships
that harm rather than heal. Topics that the book and study will cover: - What can
a church really accomplish in (and through) the lives of believers when things get tough?
- How
do we, as individuals and a church, reach out to others with messy lives when our own lives are messy
to begin with?
- What does confession have to do with trust and safety? (Hint: An awful
lot.) What would a church look like if someone knew they could share their deepest fear and shame,
and would still be shown Christ-like love and help?
- Are we really relating in ways that genuinely
build one another up, or are we too often just looking to build ourselves up?
- What can the
Trinity teach us about relating to one another?
- What role does experience play in building
spiritual community with one another?
- What would a church look like if it were a place where
someone, who deeply needs others, felt safe to let down their guard, to risk vulnerability and confidence?
No church is invincible, simply because the church is made up of people with real hopes, fears, hang-ups,
and other baggage. We won’t be free of sin on this side of Heaven. But we can learn to build one
another up, to work towards an environment where people can be free to confess and seek repentance without
hostility or recoil, and to genuinely be about our Father’s business: being the image of Christ to
a world without hope or wholeness. The small group will meet at David Sorrell’s home
on Wednesdays at 6:30 PM. Please see David for directions.
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Precepts Bible Study Style
Precept Ministries International Mission To establish people in God’s
Word Vision People living as exemplary followers of Jesus Christ - Studying
the Bible inductivel
- Viewing the world biblically
- Serving the church faithfully
in the power of the Holy Spirit
Chapter Study Mark
Key Words To observe a chapter begin by reading the chapter and marking with a triangle
all references to God, synonyms and pronouns, too. Then read the chapter again and mark with
a cross all references to Jesus, including synonyms and pronouns. Read it a third time and mark
any references to the Holy Spirit with a cloud. You can also mark references to people who are
repeated in the chapter. After reading the chapter at least three times, you will notice other
key repeated words. Key words – repeated words within a text which are vital
to it’s meaning. Mark in a distinctive way each key word in the chapter along with its pronouns
and synonyms. Example: 1 Corinthians 13 is about “love”. If you read this chapter without
the word “love” the text would lose its meaning. It is key to understanding
that chapter. Lists The next step is to list what the chapter says
about each of the key words. These two steps help us focus on the detail of God’s Word. A
list is a compilation of every fact given about a particular word or person in
a single chapter. Use words from the text. Example: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word
was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. John 1:1-2 List example: Word v
1. was in the beginning v 1. with God v 1. was God v 2. was in the beginning with
God 5 W’s & H Marking
key words and making lists of what the chapter says about those words give us understanding of
What the chapter is about. Who it’s about. When the
events took place. Where the events happened or will. Why God
said this. How the action is to be done. This understanding gives us insight
into how we can apply the truths of the chapter to our own lives. As we discover the truth, we
know the truth for ourselves. Example: John 1:1-2 Who is this about? the Word When?
in the beginning The Word was where? with God The Word was who? was God If the chapter
is from a NT letter, then the people who received the letter were believers. The truths about
them are also true of believers now. So we can see and understand how to live the Christian life
based on what the text says. Marking words, making lists and asking questions simply help us discover
the truth and put it into practice. Mark and evaluate: Contrasts--things
within a chapter that are opposite. Look for the words: “but”, “however”, “nevertheless”. Comparisons--things
within a text which are similar. Look for the words: “like” or “as.” Terms
of Conclusion/Result These show that a conclusion or summary is being made or a result
is indicated. Words signifying a conclusion or result are “therefore”, “so that”, “for
this reason.” These things help us understand “how” and “why”. Expressions
of Time--state timing or sequence of events and progression. Look for “then,” “after,”
“when,” “until,” “the day of…,” “in the year…” Identify
subjects and themes After observing and understanding the chapter by taking it apart
in the various ways described before, then it’s wise to note the subjects, events or main themes
of the chapter. The main theme is simply what the chapter is about. This will help us remember
where certain teachings are in God’s Word. Sometimes we need to review what we’ve already
learned. Practice / Application The main thing is to apply—put into
practice—what we learn. That’s why we study the Bible. Disciple Show
someone else how to study the Bible to change his or her life, too. Discuss the truth together
as you study the same passages. **A special thank you to Elva Seaford for her work on
gathering this information**
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