Nadine Hawthorne Blog   "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."~Prov. 16:3 (NIV)
              

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Wed 24 Jan 2007

  God are you listening?

Quite often I would ask myself, is this real? Could I just sleep, get up and find out that it was only a horrible dream?  Instead, I was left to ponder God's reason for allowing me to go through this. 

I had a couple of weeks left until graduation, a big interview that could have landed me the start to my career and lo and behold, something so earth shattering adds to this scenario; I'm getting calls that my mom's current state is looking hopeless.  Her battle with Cancer was nearing the end and it looked as if it was winning.  How do you focus under such pressure?  Do I withdraw from school? Do I stay?  So many thoughts haunted me as I neared the end.  My mom was truly an advocate for education.  She received her MSW( Master's in Social Work) even while she was sick.  Truly a phenomenal woman!  Death wasn't even a thought I entertained for long.  My mom can't die; that was just it.  God wouldn't do that to me. Not with all the prayers being sent up on her behalf.  This was truly a test of faith for me.  I felt like I was the only one believing God for her healing and this wasn't even denial.  I just knew the God I served and was holding on to His promises.  But God had other plans.....plans beyond my comprehension and instead He saw it fit to give my mom the rest she well deserved. 

 Although I am happy that she is at peace with her Maker, I truly miss her and I wish she could have been at my graduation or I always thought she'd see me get married and have children, things every girl would want their mother to be apart of.  So how could you really see God's love in all of this?  Initially, i thought once my mom passed away that was the end of me.  She held everything together, told me what to do and what not to do.  I really felt like I would lose it; be unable to hold up.  But the peace of Jesus kept me in line.  He reminded me that I would never be left alone even though my mom was gone.  He became my comfort, a confidant and a true friend.  I was also reminded of James 1:2-4 that reminds me that tests develop perseverance.  Also that God's strength is made perfect in my weakness and that if He keeps His eye on the sparrow how much more me, His daughter.

I just want to encourage any young person that feels the odds are against them.  Asking the question, God are you listening? Do you hear me when I'm praying?  Yes He is and He does!  Psalms 139 tells us He knows our thoughts even before we think them. It's even okay to be honest with Him about your true feelings. He said He'd never put more on you than you can bear.  So if the load feels really heavy (like I felt mine was) just look at it this way.....God is braggin' on you..lol.  He obviously knows that you're strong enough to handle it.  Not only that, He loves you so much that He tells you to cast them on Him.  He will take the burden for you!  Be mindful that although things don't seem like they are going how you planned, God see's the Big Picture.  He has your best interest at heart.

Be Blessed.



Posted by Nadine_Haw on Wed 24 Jan 2007 11:54:17 pm     | 5 comments

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